Red Lights

Israel serves as a Jewish life line. Israel is the philanthropist's instrument of choice to woo estranged Jewish young people back into the fold (Taglit Birthright). Seminaries use Israel to jump start their students along a path towards ordination. Westerners won't make it a permanent home, at least until they've retired, and Jews (and some non-Jews from the FSU) arrive in Israel in search of new beginnings.
The Reform movement wields Israel, although not yet often enough, to inspire lasting Jewish identity in its youth. For most, a summer in Israel, or better, a semester or even (god-willing) a year in the future is enough to leave a lasting impression. Like many others, I was a beneficiary of the semester option onto which I added a year in Haifa after high school.
And now what? On my fourth visit, each of different duration, in the last two years Israel didn't pack the same "umph" I remembered. Even since the introduction of a new terminal at Ben Gurion, I always remembered stepping out onto Israeli soil and feeling at home. In the past staying in Jerusalem made it even easier. How could I not feel the radiance of the Old City's walls and the religiosity in air? This time though, even my visit to the Kotel left a lot to be desired. So then what am I to conclude? Yes, in these the past several months, really since my last post to this blog in January, I have somehow plummetted into previously unknown depths of apathy and spiritual complacency, but Israel was supposed to serve as the trampoline by which I would emerge from such a pit. But it's just not that easy anymore. (7/3/07)
In early July, I arrived at the period on the end of the last sentence and stopped. I came to an abrupt halt, an unforeseen red light in my processing my experience and life and a lack of interest in doing so. I didn't have anything to say. I didn't know where my thoughts were going and I surely didn't know how to cope with the reality that my trip to Israel, while it had been a pleasure, had not provided the spiritual hand up I had hoped for. I haven't revisited this page in some seven weeks partially because I was working at Camp Harlam in PA for six of them and partially because in the absence of some kind of noteworthy resolution for my frustration, I almost forgot I had excitedly created this page and began posting to it at least once or twice a month about a year ago. I'm now no more resolved than before but camp provided some thought provoking and inciting material and my totally "new beginning" at Brandeis University has and will continue to provide some more. So... I'm going to attempt to reactivate my blog, at least posting again within six months- the time between my January 07 post about Limmud's pluralistic paradise and when I attempted and failed to post again in July. The red light is stubborn, it demands resolution it can't have. It's still bright. But if you were sitting at a red light this long wouldn't you look both ways, step on the accelerator and plow through? I would, I should, and that's what I'll do. We'll see how it goes. (8/29/07)