Youth Group Woes

I was beginning to think that the entire effort was a bit hopeless. Starting a youth group in Long Island, Oceanside, NY might be impossible. The kids I hoped would join Temple Avodah Temple Youth (TATY) were not endowed by their parents with any kind of Jewish identity and the difficulty of conveying the importance or value of anything Jewish to the parents exceeded the difficulty of reaching their kids. The year began- a start-up group, a work in trial and error process, facing major challenges.

The first event was a battle between the leaders- me and three others- and the fifth and sixth graders. They were chaotic and out of control and we were at a loss for how to hold things down. The idea was for an introductory/identity
program- a meet and greet type of thing for the first day.

Part I- we were to introduce ourselves suggesting something unique about us. That already was difficult as people refused to remain quiet to hear everyone else. By the end, the kids didn't even want to introduce themselves because of all the disruption. I'm desperate: #1.

Part II- Break up into two groups and pass out jolly ranchers- each flavor corresponded to a different story or fun fact you had to share. Result: total failure, the kids won't even break into groups, maybe that's too much to ask of 11 year olds. I'm desperate #2

Part III- Take a small piece of paper and write on it: one thing that you like to do outside of school and two things that are important to you. Then put the piece of paper in a balloon and blow up the balloon. Pop the balloons and pick up a piece of paper from a random balloon, sharing it with the rest of the group.
Result 1: Almost Ok- they did what was asked but then started bursting the balloons immediately although we had said to wait.
Result 2: The papers in the ballons read: "Things that are important to me: shopping, video games, sports jerseys, etc"
hmmm... an interesting diagnostic, I see there is work to
be done and I'm still a bit desperate.
Part IV- a bunch of running around without order and eating pizza; much of which ended up on the floor.

Conclusion: The battle was a defeat, or a stalemate at best. For some reason a few of the disruptive kids seemed to have had a "good" time but still... I had accomplished little in terms of youth group building. leaving, I asked for a little help: "There must be some model, idea, program, something that'll work- I need to figure it out! Please, idea, do me a favor, 'Come out, come out, wherever you are!'"

There was about three weeks between events. I was a little dejected after having failed, by my standards, and was literally terrified of returning to that wrecked temple. However, I have a job, it pays well, obviously I'm not quitting.
I thought and thought about what I could do the second time to accomplish a few things:
1. better control the group
2. start to build the group and have the kids take some ownership of their group
3. have more kids, the good ones leave feeling like they'd had a good time.

I came to event number 2 on Oct. 17 still pleading with some solution to reveal itself although I brought some haphazard gameplan.

My idea made enough sense- split the kids into groups based on interest and have them create a collective portrait of themselves on a posterboard- making a whole poster and determining a symbol which they would contribute to an entire youth group poster to be hanged in the temple. I thought it would allow the kids to be with their friends and make a couple new ones and maybe give them more incentive to express themselves productively.

I got there. The kids came. They were loud. They were out of control and not listening and I'm off to a horrid start, desperate and scrambling to recover.
I give them pizza to temper the storm.

During the pizza eating one of the kids, David, asks demandingly- "Can we play hide and go seek in the entire Temple?" hmm......

If you've taken an Introduction to Judaism class or are familiar with the fledgling movement for Reform Jewish day schools, you've heard about Pardes- Peshat, Remes, Drash, Sod. In short, it represents a method of study moving from the most simple, literal interpretation of textual verses to deeper and more developed study, uncovering hidden meanings and the essence of the words on the page.

After a long pause with this kid pulling at my arm, I respond, "Sure, let's see who else will play." Just about every kid wanted to play and so risking more chaos and disaster, we went for it... the kids followed the rules, played and played multiple rounds and as some parents started to stream in, they saw evidence of their kids having fun (a key to success). At the end, I yelled, "Come out come out wherever you are," through the Temple lobby. As we collected the kids their faces beamed with excitement. Gathering back in our youth lounge, I suggested that before wrapping up, a few kids should volunteer to make a poster for TATY, our youth group. Several jumped at the opportunity and produced a color-blended, scribbled and hideous, but nonetheless for me, triumphant testament to the fact that our youth group had launched. It hangs like a
plaque in the religious school wing, not so high as to suggest it's the defining product of a year's work but as a symbol of our potential and the excitment of our future. All the kids left this event thrilled and they'll come back.

Waiting for a train back to Penn Station I reflected on the wisdom of my Gemera teacher and the wisdom of David, the fidgety sixth grader demanding a silly kids game. There must be some kind of Pardes in this uphill struggle we call Reform youth work. If you attempt the deep stuff too fast, you're falling flat on your face. I had.

Instead, stick to the basics- even a simple impromptu game of hide and seek. To my delight, the kids responded to my "Come out, come out" call twice without even knowing it. First, they simply listened and emerged from their hiding places in the foyer (Baruch HaShem). And in doing so they afforded me some insight into how they could be reached. The easy stuff, Pashat first.

Its possible that event #3 will bomb like #1. But at least I have an idea for the future. Hide and seek again. This time we're not searching for David, Alex, and Ryan. I'm sending them through the temple halls after mezuzot, tallitot and chumashim to learn about Jewish ritual items- I just hope this place has those in stock.